We have been praying for rain for nearly a month. So...last night we got our rain and got it good! It was that wonderful rain with drops the size of saucers and a gentle mix of thunder and lightening. It was just....I want to say wonderful here, but I am going to say be careful what you pray for.
When the rain began, we were thrilled. The ground was so dry, it wouldn't soak it up fast enough. Being the idiot I usually am, I simply said "oh, if this will keep up an hour or two, we will be fine!" It did! God heard me and he gave me what I asked for!
The puppies have not experienced thunder and lightening before. So, they spent the better part of an hour clawing and screaming at the back door. They were muddy messes and I was intent on teaching them that yes, they are dogs and that's what the new doghouse is for. Then, my husband, the genuis I dedicated my past present and future to, decided to open the front door and let the "fresh air in". What a mistake! The puppies father, Brutus, weighs probably close to 80 pounds. Brutus is the most protective male bulldog to ever hit the earth. But thunder is thunder and it turns Brutus into mush.
Brutus immediately headed in the front door. My husband (remember - the genuis) tried to stop him. Do you know what happens when an 80 pound wet, stinky dog goes completely limp? He becomes like this huge, smelly, nasty, muddy hunk of jello. You can pick up one end and the other slips out of your hand. You can pick up the other and the first slips out of your grasp. Brutus managed to exhaust both my husband and I to the point we were not only screaming at him to get out of the doorway so we could close it, but we were beginning to turn on one another.
"Why do you have to get all these stupid dogs?" he barked at me. "Because my stupid husband doesn't protect me like they do!" I responded. "Let him in, he's terrified" I barked back. "I'm not letting him in, he has a doghouse and plenty of places to go" was his response. This could have gone on until I eventually hurt my husband but just as we were warming up we noticed Brutus laying on his back, now blocking the door and something like two dozen cats crawling over him and running into the kitchen. It was a shame too because I had an entire catalog of arguments and mistakes he's made in the past stored up just for this occasion.
Our attention now turned to the cats. Brutus was still limp on his back but he was grinning his big ole "I gotcha" grin and wagging his tail. It was no longer thundering but it was still pouring down rain. Knowing that we were exhausted and still had not managed to move the limp hunk of mass from the front doorway, I decided to open the back door and begin evacuating the cats I could catch out the back. What a joke! The puppies quickly realized the door was open and began tracking red mud all over the house. The situation quickly evolved to circus status as we began chasing cats and puppies around the table, under the bed and out of the cabinets. I even had to take a basket and turn it upside down over one of my blind cats who had, for some reason, managed to find it's way into the house only to realize it was lost and panic by climbing up everything including walls, shower curtains and refrigerator. I tried to grab but it bit me! Blind cats don't understand human touch very well. They have big teeth too and claws! With the basket, I managed to walk her out the door. Yeah, so she hates me now!
Frustration overcame me! I said words that I have heard in shows that I have turned off because of the very words I was saying. Husband said words. He used names that could have resulted in his death had the situation been such that we were not now required to work as a team to rid our house of the uninvited guests. Still...Brutus is limply laying across the front threshold, laughing - we could tell. Fortunately, the chickens were still penned up or the circus would have been complete.
It took a while to figure out the new plan but then I realized that I had porkchops on the stove. ALL my animals, including husband, love porkchops. So, I grabbed a chop and tossed it out the front door. Suddenly, Brutus was not laughing. He couldn't get up fast enough because all the cats were running him over going after the chop. Then, I grabbed a loaf of bread and began tossing pieces outside. They didn't know! They were so consumed by the knowledge of the chop they just kept going out the door! Poor Brutus, his entire scheme backfired. Poor Husband. It cost him a chop- that fresh air he wanted - and he doesn't like sharing his chops.
It became a brawl out in that rain. Sort of like a scene from a mud wrestler video only with cats and dogs. They were all fighting over the chop and I have no idea who won. We closed the door and began rebuilding our inside lives. The mud, sand and odor of wet animals was everywhere but we somehow managed to recover and get things back into the disorder they started out in. (Some day I will write a blog on housekeeping but I have to learn how to do it first!)
Yes, World, we got our rain and plenty of it! Next time we will know to keep the doors shut.
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