8/11/08

Facts to Live By

MinWax makes a great stain product for amateur and professional woodworkers. It is as permanent on carpet when left on a t.v. tray with the lid loose as it is on wood!

Stain left loosely sealed should NEVER be left on a television tray. Red Oak is a beautiful stain color - unless it's on blue carpet!

T.V. trays are for eating from not storing stain when a clumsy wife is in the house! Never blame the wife for her clumsiness when you indeed are the guilty one for leaving the stain on the tray! Trays wobble and, unlike weebles, do come down.

Light Walnut is likewise a beautiful color. It will, however, soak through a non-plastic professional quality drop cloth when an ignoramous tilts the can and "accidentally" pours half the can out.

Light Walnut is also not beautiful on just painted white folding doors or an already finished wall! Sometimes the wife who painted said doors does NOT enjoy repainting them.

Any MinWax stain may look quite satisfyingly perfect all over a husband who can't seem to understand the rules of storing or holding the cans! This theory is still in planning stages!

If one is using turpentine, please use some sink OTHER than the sink another ONE is using to wash dishes in! Turpentine does assist with alleviating stains left on blue carpet but isn't the all around solution -new carpet is the all around solution.

IF the wife spends most of her day making the most "to die for" chili on the planet at your request, don't try to tell her some magic ingredient you are SURE she left out of it. Even if it DOES taste like water, it's best to tell her that she is a fantastic cook. One can easily shovel the stuff out to the dogs when the wife is not looking without saying a word about the taste or lack thereof. She will assume you loved it and ate it all and you won't be spending the rest of the week eating Cheerios and milk.

Don't wash dark colored clothes in dishwashing soap with "bleach alternative" Sure...it says it's good for everything, but those white spots SHOULD tell you something. That bottle of laundry detergent is ON THE LID OF THE WASHER for a reason other than putting it to the side and griping about how it's in your way. Just because you already doused the clothes in the other stuff "because it was the closest thing to me and hey - it's ALL soap!" doesn't mean you are doing ANYONE a favor.

and last but not least...yes it IS funny when the dog jumped up and ripped the seat out of your pants! I'm sorry but it is STILL funny to this day! It's REALLY funny! That dog is my hero!

And that's it folks. Only one of you may read this and find it annoying but I love that one of you to the ends of earth, so you will know that I type this with the greatest of love and....entertainment!

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