Every other Thursday, I get the joyful task of preparing and organizing payroll. It's not a massive payroll - only 60 or so checks. But it's a massive task for me. Guess what today is?
So far this day has not gone that well. This is my "poor me" moment! First, I got up and got ready. I didn't realize that I had noxcema on my hands until I put my contact lens into my eye. I spent a long while cleansing and re-applying eye make-up.
I feed early before I leave for work. I try to time it so that the puppies are still eating when I leave. Then, I make a mad dash to the car hoping they don't catch up with me. They ARE bulldogs and bulldogs have those big floppy lips that always have ...drool and anything else stuck to them - usually my guys have that lovely red dirt/sand mixture from digging around the yard. Combined with dog drool, red clay/sand mixture turns into permanent dye. Rubbed against a clean pants leg, skirt or skin, it's a complete waste of time to try to defeat it. In the event the boys manage to cut me off before getting to the car, I implement plan B - maneuvering as if I am running across a firing range with live ammunition. I have never been in the military but I am thinking I can probably train future soldiers on how to avoid getting shot by run the "Z" pattern. Those bullets can't be any harder to dodge than two bulldog puppies who think the best thing in the world is to rub on mom before she leaves for work. In the event Plan B fails, I resort to Plan C - returning to the house and changing clothes!
This morning, Plan A failed, but Plan B worked. That's a good thing because there is little time to spare on payroll days and Plan C would have been difficult because I have been lazy this week and what I would have worn as "replacements" were in the laundry.
People were late turning in timesheets today, or one person was. That took off 30 minutes from my schedule. Then, I was erroneous in keying in not one but several timesheets - another 10 minutes. Finally, someone here put down sick leave instead of overtime and there is a HUGE difference in how (did you ever notice that if you mix up the letters "how" can become "who" - I just found that out) the paycheck comes out. Fortunately, my boss and I check, double check and gazillion check all data before hitting the "button" on the computer that allows the payroll to actually calculate.
Around 10:30 - an hour behind normal schedule- I hit that button. It took a few minutes longer than normal which leaves me shaking and sweating in near panic. Finally - a report to review and it has "errors". Another delay! A quick call to our systems genuises and we discover that they fixed an old problem where the system would not tell you something was missing. In particular, the something that is missing is SUPPOSED TO BE missing. So the system is not telling us anything but using three sheets of paper to not tell us. Oh - how I love system fixes! Another 30 minutes lost (Are you getting the picture that payroll day is much like a carefully orchestrated military maneuver)
Finally, around noon, the glorious, wonderful checks printed. WOO HOOOO- it's always nice to know that people are actually going to be paid for their efforts. It's even nicer to know that I will not be blamed in the event they don't receive their checks - I have to live in this town and such a blame could result in dire consequences which have not even been discussed so far in my career.
So...in a nutshell and 1000 words or less - that's how my day has been. All in all, it's not a bad day for me. I got paid too!
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